as a volunteer Neighbourhood Mediator..

Copying, dissemination and any other use of these materials is not permitted without the written consent of J. Ger van den Hurk, except and only to the extent otherwise provided in arrangements of mandatory law (such as right of quotation), unless otherwise specified in specific
at the express request of my wife and son, no photos and dates were posted in my autobiography.

During my "membership" at Divers I did 38 mediations of which 32 succeeded !!, is Co-mediator/star, further the intention was that we had them sign a contract, but I let them give each other a hand, because an autograph is so set but giving a hand to each other is physical contact, and that is fairer).

We always went first to the "applicant - A" and the other neighbour was B,this happened through Divers who received applications from a housing association, police or prosecutor.
One of the BM, called me on a Saturday and told me that when people he had mediated there was 'war' again, a car on the pavement chased someone and since he couldn't get the divers coordinator on the phone and he saw me as the 'second' person, He asked me for advice, I said he had to go there to try and try to solve it, then he alluded to me going with him, then I said that later with the one where he had done the first mediation he had had to solve this this was why it wanted to do it with him now, we went to the people in question and asked what the problem
was , that was
the following: at four high, we were now at nine high, a woman had had a baby and demanded that no one more in the public area of the flat still smoke, so not on the galleries, the elevators and so on, the occupants of the ninth floor consisted of 3 people, a young man, a young lady and her uncle, that uncle was constantly attacked by the "new parents"

the young man asked if I wanted a can of beer, I said, yes please, he came with a can ..... pils, now that I got the idea that this beer is also made of mesh water, officially this is
not allowed, because you may not have personal contact with the people, but try to solve their problem, I told that uncle, mr. I mean it absolutely not derogatory, but they attaquer you because you are the oldest, and their thinking, because of that 'easy prey' but we will only talk to them, we arrived at that couple, they came from the direction of the South Dutch Islands, so clearly a different institution as here in the south of the Netherlands, after hearing their story we agreed that we would have a final conversation in the community house on the Half hill, on a certain date ,

then upstairs to record with them that appointment, he asked me, did you like the beer?, I dared not tell the truth, so I say, Yes, he said moment, he came back with a tray of 24 cans, I ask him, They fell off the truck, talked about bias, he, no CSDP, I work at the Heineken and there I bought them, I said, I asked, but thank you, and MB and I went everyone's weight, on the day of the final conversation on the Halveheuvel we came together five of us, 3 from the floor ninth and two from the fourth floor, I said to the woman with 'smoking problem' you look healthy Do you feel good? Yes she said, and I asked, in the past for sure, she confirmed this, then I asked
her, your father, mother, brothers, sisters and other family certainly did not smoke?, her husband stood up, gave me a hand and said, I have him, thanks, come with us, so solved.. There was a neighbour conflict between a Bosch couple, B, and a refugee A, I don't remember which country, we went there my MB and I went there, when we got to that Bosch couple I was startled "me" by the filthiness, there was a bed spiral with a mattress on the floor in the living room, there was a little dog walking around and it was pooping while
we sat there ??!, in the sofa on which we had to sit sat a big fire hole in, the couple did not look much better, after hearing that they were very bothered by the sound of the neighbours we went there to look, in there we saw that there was as little as possible on the floor and the cupboard

, there was at that time a social worker visiting, a black man, he said to us, I am also an
immigrant, I said you would not say it, said my MB, Ger, what turned out to be the son of that man

had the Down syndrome, if he had "a seizure" he threw everything broken, further the sound of the radio/television had to stand as loud as possible, a headset could not destroy that he also, then made an appointment for the final conversation, when we got into that building/room the couple had already brought the woman her mother, that woman looked "o by a ring to get" but the relationship was equal, three people in front of a , and then someone who was not powerful in the Dutch language, but this man was not yet present, now I thought he had misunderstood because of this, so I went to his house, may not be of Neighbourhood Mediation) and indeed he was at home and had misunderstood he thought he should be at the housing association, I took him, and then we
started, the mother of the couple's wife started a whole story to protect her daughter, as I said I took it up for that refugee, may not, I said to that mother, madam we are in charge, sorry she said, I went to the toilet and I hear the woman of the couple say , I don't have a fag to deal with the fact that this young person has something on his brain, notabene she had had a mild stroke in the past, I became very angry at that moment, I have to say that I was quite "triggered" in that area our daughter Patricia died of a ruptured aneurysm and I myself once spent 4 days in a coma because of a skull fracture, so when I came back I "cut and shaved" them that she had to be ashamed to say something like that, discussed everything else and then she understood the situation, so solved again.

====in one house lived a young couple, +/- 35 years, and in the other house a very old woman, +/- 80 years of which her husband had just died, this kind of facts you have to take aside, and the problem was so noise, the kitchens were wall to wall, so when the loads went open and closed she heard that from each other,
at the first conversation, with that young couple

, said the wife, my brother solves that, but watch him come so, hubby was in another place, but didn't really count, then "the

brother" came a "slim" person, he was floorlayer, he said to me, I'm going to fix this myself, I've also told the police, Come on, I'm going to fix this, that tickle goat is going to burn, and the daughter who lives in it, i'm going to have to open it, i'm going to throw an incendiary bomb through the window, so I'm going to say this ok to the police, then moar in the cell, I'm white how it works, three times a day it's aired, come and see in two weeks. , I shot loudly in laughter and said, go wè kènde thou dè nice say, nie wè says maor how gèèèt says, so he's staring

at me surprised, I'm saying I can also have a good joke, listen....., then we went to the neighbor, who wept, when we made a new appointment and we said goodbye again, the person from Divers said to me, Ger you are absolutely right with your statement: see the stressed person as too hard a balloon inflated, first pull the valve loose, let all the air out, without making a comment, then you have been able to gather a lot of information and a follow-up conversation is only possible, I am then a day later , alone, to her daughter who lived next door to her, she had a bottle of beer in her hands, she looked at me and asked, "Do you also want a fleske, I yes, please, now during the course it is stated that that is not allowed, "you may not so. bonding with the people you mediated, so now I clearly have a different

opinion about it and feeling about it, later she said to her child, about 10 years young, put that eel in the refrigerator, she looked at me again and asked the ye want an eel, so I so, yes please, so we had a beer and an eel, made an appointment for the last conversation on a neutral ground obviously, then , that woman loat dè moar mènne vent do, I do it nie, I beat the old lady right against d're beta, I know myself eige fill too well, so to say, when I came, alone so, in the building was the man of the young couple already there, then the

daughter came in put money in the savings, known territory of her so, asked me also a lager Ger, I said ok then said that man it's not going to be anything, so failed that mediation, a year later my wife and I went shopping in shopping in shopping center de Rompert and went to take a snack in some kind of pub in a corner of the Rompert, someone behind me, well definitely nie , I turned around, there was a young man, with only a T-shirt on at the top, I said, help me, he mentioned the name of that old woman's daughter, I had already forgotten, you have to take those conflicts and people home, I said help me go on, he mentioned the nickname of his wife, I said oh yes now I know again, I asked how is it now, said well and raised his thumb, I was surprised oh yes, in my experience the mediation had not succeeded, he said, we were going to remodel our kitchen and I said to that daughter, because with the old bitch proat I nie , we goan our keuke growe so if gè bother with the sound hèt, we are nie aon 't bored, said that daughter while looking at her watch, it is half eleven she comes màr from derre nest it is laot sat, And then the man's wife came, we went away and I walked up to her and wanted to shake her hand with my right hand, but she was injured, I told her congratulations that the neighbors are doing well, and congratulate your brother with this, she says, it's coming in at my little lake, it's going to get me through my own knet that k.., I say sorry oudoe wor, did the mediation turn out to be successful?!
so it's resolved again.
There was a neighbour squabble between a family from the Balkans, A, and a Bossche, B, when we came to the Balkann woman/mother who complained about the Dutch neighbours complaining that they were so awkward and argued, I got pretty angry and said to her that neighbour squabbles are Worldly, I understand that the neighbours in the Balkans were going to blow each other up that moment, they jumped up and said, "That's where I come from, I said now I don't have to explain to you about "neighbour squabbles" after hearing them, how awkward those kids from the back neighbors were to her children, a girl of about 13 and one about 11 years old, when their kids were playing outside, she was always sitting outside keeping an eye on

it. , so she saw that the children of the neighbours were,
in her opinion, difficult against her children, then we went to the back neighbours, the woman of this opened the gate of the place, when we stated that we were of neighborhood mediation and whether it was possible to have a conversation with them, said that woman, I don't have to have that banter, then I threw my charms into the fight, then she said, well come along, she came in saying these are people from neighborhood mediation for this, having heard their story, which of course was a very different story, I said to her, the fine thing about you kind of people is that you never have to think, a lot of people have a "hidden agenda" and you're not happy , wonderful,

then we went back to the other people, I told that woman that she should let her children learn resilience, now you send them into the "wide world" later without resilience, with any consequences, then she said to me, thanks, I knew and did not see it so, I will do my best to let them become their resilience, and then we went, outside said my female MB God Ger what are you good say, I felt at one point in a conversation in the "swamp" sinking away, "you pulled me hair out of the swamp, so solved again.

==.b=cleaning up the woman had not eaten cheese directly, then she started to whine that she was a single woman, who could not go to work because her son, of about 12 years, was autistic, when stated that if her son ricocheted a ball against their wall the neighbor came out angry and told him to stop and play on a nearby specially laid out by the municipality, said that she did not suffer from that balls,
I said, this is a matter how
you , since it's done by your child, of course, you don't have any problems with it, but the neighbor obviously does, it's not his child, it was in the winter and at some point the doorbell rang, her child was at the door, I got angry internally, after first whining that she couldn't go to work because she had to accompany her son, and now he was alone at the door around 8:00 p.m.??!? Then we went to the neighbor, after i proposed as a local mediator, he suggested I must have none of that banter, then he looked at me am the ye Gerrie van den Hurk, I confirmed that come in man, so there we got, of course, another story, he said Ger I'll just
say good-bye but that's all, and I'm doing it purely for you and I don't want to have another conversation about that, I said thank you, then a few days later we went to that woman, when we came in her friend was sitting there, after the conversation with the announcement that he would "just" deal with her again and it was sorted out so it was resolved

, that woman asked me, did you have an academic education as a psychologist, I said no, call me a self-taught, she just said the way you bring it and the wording and analysis I thought so, so solved again. ===we
sat across from him and then said me MB to me, when I see him like this I think of Asterix and Obelix, I say he's definitely Obelix the pig eater, says that guy, hey what are we doing, we say, we estimate someone like that,
he says to MB I know you, says MB that can think but well maybe you remember, so we're talking about the neighbor squabble, he says again

, yet I know you against MB, says my MB think carefully, I also come from Deuteren, I say pointing to my MB, and of

that color there were not that much then, he is a Molukker, so black, We went to the neighbors says MB to me, pointing to the knuckles of his right hand,

which looked damaged, when I was a bouncer I knocked those teeth out, when the neighbors arrived Pa came with a silk kimono on from the stairs down and brought in his daughters, who ladies lied or it was printed, so we made a follow-up appointment to have the closing conversation, when we got there and said that man to my MB now I know who you are , you've got my teeth knocked out, says my MB you see if you think deep you know, we had coffee and I had a peanut rock as a cookie, I say to that man, here you can have mine, he says, k.. I don't know any of them, I don't have teeth in my mouth, so laughing, and we still got out, the ladies promised not to turn the sound of the amplifier so loud anymore, so solved again.
"There was once a neighbor conflict between a Moroccan family, A, and a refugee family from Iraq, B, my MB who had also lived in that neighborhood went to get some inside info," he told me, Ger that Moroccan is a crook, so with that preliminary information we went to work, when we got to that Moroccan, he first sent his wife upstairs, who was not allowed to be there, his integration mainly showed that he really praote Bosch, when he started talking about a problem and I went on to go he immediately jumped on another problem, after about this six times to happen I said, we go to the neighbors because with you I can't go on side with

you , then he said, that bitch next door is a witch, and that son is a rotten boy, he's been at the police station one time,

so we went to the neighbors, when I saw that mom, I was shocked, namely a real gentleman completely collapsed, further on walls hung a portrait of Jesus
and one of Mary, so I saw that they were Catholic, and also Kurds there were two daughters from about 18 to 20 years young, later his wife also came to sit there, their daughters spoke good Dutch, we were talking their son came in, who saw us sitting and when he knew what we were for he said something in Arabic to those two girls and they fell silent I asked that guy if I asked him anything, he looked at me strangely and said no, so now now you keep your mouth shut, if I need you, I'll call you, he jumped up and said, almost screaming at me, I'm the son and their have but to listen to me,

I said to him, you heard me well and understood if I need you I call you and now keep your mouth shut, then his father said something, in Arabic, to him and he disappeared from the room, the problem with the neighbor had escalated the moment the mother knocked out a rug against the front door style , then the neighbor went screaming at that woman, one of their daughters was in their seats and heard the Moroccan yelling at her mother, we made a follow-up interview, finale, conversation in a neutral building/room, the father didn't really want to come along, after telling him that he belonged like a real man he said, ok but I don't say anything, I didn't say anything, I didn't have to do that either, when we were my MB and myself the father and his daughters already present they drank a cup of coffee, then the Moroccan came, when he was sitting I asked if he wanted to drink something, he said yes, do but a lager he ordered as a Muslim an alcoholic drink????!!!!!!!!!!!! , then one of the daughters asked me to like my father also a lager, they were Catholic, I said yes of course, then I asked that Moroccan, should I explain to you that you can't fall out with his wife? That you have to do this through her husband, I have to tell you this, you came from that culture, so the next time you speak to that man nicely, and without shouting, he looked at me surprised because he had requested mediation and now he got out of the bag (our culture), so solved again.

=====?!?,=they owned the homes, I went there with my female MB, I always look around if I didn't find a starting point to start a conversation through that conversation, or later in the conversation it was a clue to take with my review, now these were photo cameras, as a photo amateur I could start the conversation through this, now this guy was very well developed he had tried to solve the problem through calls and letters, but nothing helped, he
, A, told that he had built a garden house, I asked, did they bother that they did not get any more sun in their garden, that was not so,

they got enough sun, then B had built a conservatory, later A also, I thought big problem, material jealousy, I say then we go to the neighbors, they turned out not to be home, says my MB, Ger you solve it further, I said ok says A it's impossible to talk to that guy, the whole neighborhood is bothered by that, I say that's not our problem, we come for you problem, later I had that guy on the phone and he said I have no time we are now on vacation call me later but back , so the door was open with a crack, when I called him back later, the word A said, Whether I
was trying left, right, from above or from below I got "no hold" on him, then I asked him: you have a son of about 13 years, that's right, he said yes, and I understand that your son gets along well with the little boy of the neighbors, he said yes, I said, and your son also gets along well with the neighbors themselves, he said, yes that is right, I asked him, how do you feel about yourself as an example for your son? then it stayed quiet for a while, then we had a long, me from a pedagogical conversation, two days later A called me up and said congratulations, I asked him how do you get my phone number, he said, yesterday morning the neighbor has been and we have spoken everything, B had said to A that he and I had had a conversation on the phone for half an hour, that had never happened, I of course could not tell A with my question how do you find yourself then as an example, so resolved again.
so we went to B,

we rang the bell and an old woman of about 82 years opened up, this woman came from an eastern European country, we went in and there we came across A, a man of about 60 years, further there was another woman of about 40 years inside, as information, who had nothing to do with the neighbours problem, she told us, he had cancelled the rent of that house, he had another house in Belgium , then came as a candidate for this house that two women, mother and daughter, the mother told me he could not keep his eyes off my daughter anymore, the solution, he stayed in the house with that daughter?!, then we

sat down in the place to discuss the problem of the neighbors, now between them and those back neighbours was still a ditch, I asked what the problem was, now said A, he always repairs behind the house cars with the necessary noise, I asked him, have you already spoken to those neighbors himself he says, no, then I said then we are quickly ready, because you first have to solve the problem yourself to start a conversation with the neighbors , as I hear and see you now, you have the
capacity to solve it yourself, but never go if you are agitated, always a day later or so, if you have tried that first and you do not succeed you can always call Divers, but you have to try it first, we are obviously not shopping boys for you, he suggested ok I understand and you are right, so solved again.
Later, I was riding food at home, called my MB and asked if I could go with him to "the Farm" because he wanted to have a conversation with me about the previous mediation, I said ok stopped the preparation and went "the Farm" a restaurant, his question sounded rather hasty, so when I had a conversation with him he said it had gone rather quickly, too fast for
him. he said???
problem were the cats of the neighbors and stench from it, and we continued to ask said k at one point to my MB, come we go, when we came out said my MB come first to the car, and in the car, that went too fast, did I miss something?, I said that man is a notorious quarrel-seeker, here does not help anything, when we obviously went to B and during our conversation promised to hold the cats better in hand, solved

==?!?,=otherwise they would walk away if the sound was too loud, this couple would go out and then at night at 3 or 4 o'clock they would go home for a while they would run a "record request" program for themselves, we explained that you could not call that social behavior now (these kind of comments were supposedly not allowed) and we agreed that they would not do that anymore and they put the speakers on the opposite side in the living room
, so far from the separation wall,
then went to the neighbor, when he opened it I was quite shocked the attitude of his body was that he was shaking completely, so you could not see it directly, but with me those vibrations do come over, mentally so, mentally, during that conversation he told me that he had to get up every morning at 5:00 a.m. to go to work, and so at some point he completely "got off the path" and so rammed that door, told him that we were already out with the neighbors and he would not have a problem, he was happy of course, when further discussed that he would reimburse that door, solved 1,100,00 guilders, so with all of us happy, solved again.

===blood was still on the style of the door, now A had a wireless bell mounted, one of the first, so quite expensive something like 65.00 guilders, and it broke down, now A asked B if he wanted to reimburse it, and B suggested I didn't break it but it's because of my cousin, I asked B how long do you live A and B next door, about 15 years old, I asked you guys have always got along?
yes he suggested A, is a great neighbor, I wouldn't want to go any other way, I asked to go for the same way you're not worth 65.00 guilders, he looked surprised if the light just turned on them, he said of course, he said

to his neighbor, I'll pay you those 65,00 guilders well I still

want to be a good neighbor with you, I said try but get that money back to cousin, voilà solved again === ,
at one point I suggested to start a Web page, I said that's not that hard, said an MB, as long as he's not as simple as you are, this guy had a hot air balloon company that he was transporting people with, I gave him the next meeting a C.V. of mine, in which I was a main equipment service at a large contractor, I worked in Nigeria as plant manager, which I acknowledged by the World Bank as a supplier in the Third World, that I: a vertical lathe of about one million guilders in Egypt and 250 tons of butter oil, sold for 1.4 million guilders in Libya, then he fell silent. but for me, "the fun" did come off, so I suggested at one point that I stopped I didn't feel at home anymore, during the parting, I got a good bottle of wine, a female MB suggested that she also stopped, this woman had had some pretty serious private problems and I, later with my wife, to avoid confusion, gave her enough self-confidence again that she also stopped, I had several MB, female and male, deeply human conversations, but that soft approach to the new MB stripte not with my own 
way of approaching.